


Shades of Gray

by orphan_account



Category: White Collar
Genre: Asexual Character, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-12
Updated: 2012-03-12
Packaged: 2017-11-01 20:32:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal just wants to keep things the way they've always been, the three of them on the couch, Neal laying across their laps, with Satchmo laying beside them, why complicate it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shades of Gray

Neal doesn't know how he got to this point, the point where he's laying in Peter and El's bed. Peter's sucking a hickey on his neck and El is running her fingers over his length, he's not hard, but he's willing to be. He's willing to do anything for Peter and El, as long as they keep touching him, as long as they will let him stay near and tucked in close.

It's not about the sex, it never has been. In fact Neal would be content to just curl up on the couch, his head in El's lap, feet in Peter's, and gently petting the soft fur on Sachmo's head. But if all they want from him for now is to use him as a way to spice up their marriage, as their kept boy? Then he can do it, because all he wants is to be touched, to be held, to feel safe and warm.

...

After El tucks herself into his side, her face presses into his neck, and her breath is hot and sends shivers across his front. On his other side Peter pulls him in close, arm draped across the pair and his deep contented breaths are the only sound in the room. That's why he does it, he's willing to have sex for this moment, when he's wrapped in a Peter and Elizabeth sandwich and he feels so utterly safe that he allows himself to relax. Allows himself to melt into the embrace and stop worrying about the clunky anklet that weighs him down, allows himself to forget that if he screws up and can't solve a case just that once he'll be sent back to prison, and he finally allows himself to fall into the deepest sleep he's had in over ten years.

...

It's not that he doesn't get aroused, or feel attraction. It's just that he's not interested in it. It's like waiting in line to see a new action film, you go because you're friend really wants to see it, been talking about it non-stop for months, and suddenly there it is. It's nothing special, a few explosions and high speed chases, sure it's nice, but it's nothing you want to see again. That's how Neal feels about sex, and relationships that are entirely too focused on them.

...

Neal wakes up with El's head in his lap, her head is bobbing ever so slightly, Peter is watching his own hand is running up and down lazily on his own cock.

Neal ignores the slight twist in his stomach of wrongwrongwrong and instead focuses on how close they are, how it's almost like they're wrapped in each other, how he can pretend that they're on the couch wrapped up in each other watching reruns of Bones.

...

Peter doesn't know when Neal starts to avoid coming back to the Burke house, or when Neal starts to look a little rough around the edges. Peter just knows that when he tries to put a comforting hand on his consultant turned lover that he flinches ever so slightly before he melts into the touch, little tremors running through his body.

...

Neal allows Peter to steer him into his car after work, allows him to take his hand into his and gently rub his thumb along the sensitive skin on the back of it. The close they get to the Burke home, the more tense Neal becomes, his muscles clenching into little balls of tension. He can't do this today, not when he feels like there is a knot in his stomach that turns at the thought of having to be interested in sex, not when he hasn't slept in days because it's been eating at him that they only want him to relieve their sexual tensions, not when all he wants is to be held. Wants, no needs to feel safe and warm in Peter and El's arms, with Satchmo at the side of the couch, his fuzzy head under Neal's hands leaning into the comforting pets.

...

El is waiting on the couch when Peter leads Neal into the house, there are three steaming mugs of perfectly creamed and sugared coffee on the table in front of her, and she's leaning her head on the knee's she's drawn up in front of her. When she turns to look at them, Neal can see the darn circles that frame her eyes, the way she looks so worried.

When Peter settles him onto the couch El pulls him into her petite arms, and holds him as he shakes. Peters arms snake around and hold the pair, and that is when Neal realizes that all of them are shaking.

"Did we hurt you? Did we say something?" El asks, pleading, "Can we fix it please, we don't want to lose you." Neal feels something we hit his collarbone, El's crying silently.

"Please Neal, we love you too much to just let you go without trying to fix it." Peter's arms tighten around them, the arms that Neal trusts to keep him safe, but right now they feel so smothering.

"Remember when we first started this? How we used to come and curl up on this couch, me with my head in El's lap, my feet in yours, with Satchmo laying beside the couch, and we'd watch Booth and Bones stumble around each other. That was the first time I'd ever felt like no one was expecting me to sleep with them, and it was the first time that I felt safe since I knew what sex really was." Neal pauses, and thinks about Urbandictionary's definition of the word, "To quote and online dictionary I am not a closet homosexual, I am not impotent, I have not been sexually abused, I am not emotionally frigid, I don't masturbate ten times a day, and while I am one ugly bastard people round here are so easy I could get nookie the second I want it. I just don't want it. I am asexual. I love the feeling of being wrapped up so snuggly and warm and safe, and for you I would be willing to have sex, I've had sex for you, but sometimes I just want there to not be that string that has to be pulled. I just want it to be us, together and warm and safe, without the need to consummate those feelings."

El pulls him closer, runs her fingers through his hair, "Baby why did you say something sooner, we'd never have pushed you if it made you uncomfortable, we just thought you would want to take the next step, we should have asked you." Neal looks down, too shocked at their understanding.

"We don't want you to feel like you have to have sex with us to be with us, if all you want from us is to sit on his couch and watch Bones and snuggle then so be, but never feel like you have to have sex for us if you don't want to." Neal starts crying, because not even Kate had understood when he'd told her, she just continued like he hadn't said a thing.

...

Peter and El broke down a week later, they'd broken the no TV's in the bedroom rule they had instated when they first moved in together, a large flat screen found it's home across from the bed, perched over the dresser. Anything, they had said, to make Neal feel at home with them.

...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for a prompt on the CollarKink meme, it can be found there.
> 
> I do not have any affliations with White Collar or USA network. I do however hope you have enjoyed this and would love to hear what you think of it!


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